Flipping Stuff

Memorial Day weekend isn't prime time for yard sales around here - everyone scrambles from town like antelopes in a lion pen - but some people persist in thinking "maybe ... nah, not my yard sale." Well, big surprise, sales were few and customers were fewer.

There was a church-sponsored yard sale and a neighborhood sale (in which everyone has their own, but with all kinds of civic-association paid-for signs), both in one of our most affluent areas, a smattering of sales within walking distance of my house (which started too late for me to make it to both the sales and my class), plus a couple of estate sales on Friday that I didn't go to because I was sick (broke my heart). But nothing was standout, amazing, or prime. Why? Is it a chicken or egg dilemma - which comes first, no sales or no customers - or is it because ... well, sad, but true ... because rich people are such complete boneheads when it comes to yard sales?

Okay, so maybe a bit of both. And, to be fair, it's not just the moneyed who don't have a clue. But the ignorance sure seems to collect in certain zip codes like plastic in the oceans. Here's a news flash for anyone considering selling goods - yard sales, flea markets, and rummage sales aren't antique shops! You can't price things at market value then let them sit until demand shifts or some impulse-driven sucker with loads of cash buys it! This isn't a stock portfolio, either - you bought that horrid pin to wear, not as an investment, and now you expect to sell it ten years later (and ten years out of style) at a profit - or even at a profitable loss? Ain't gonna happen.

Most of us who go to these things are not wealthy. We come for bargains - either to find something practical at 80-90% off its retail value, or to stumble upon a gem of a deal that we can hold, resell, or put in a place of honor. Maybe some of us even want to unearth a beauty in solid wood or metal or ceramic because we want finally to own something that's not total, machine-made, black-not-green, falls-to-pieces-in-a-year crap.

Honestly, I'm not biased, just experienced - few of my best finds were from sales in affluent neighborhoods (curbside, maybe, but not sales). Rummage sales are different (perhaps because church people have the strangest idea that everything needs to be sold for whatever they can get). Precious little rummaging this year, though - only seven sales, and four were on a single day and so competed (cried crocodile tears, I did).

Maybe this dearth has less to do with being rich than with new tax laws that changed the way we handle donations - because we must now provide a basis for all real property donations, and what we originally paid for it is zero, we cannot take a schedule A deduction on it. (Weird that we can sell Aunt Caroline's hideous lamp in a garage sale - either real-time or online - without getting caught in the tax man's web, but we can't give it away!)

So, here's a little lesson for anyone who wants to have a garage sale: the key word is "sale." In general, while you might pull aside a small stack of "collectibles," things too emotionally or (in your delusional mind) financially precious to sell to the hoi polloi, suck it up for the rest of the stuff. Sell it for less. A lot less. And be prepared to bargain like a bazaar vendor. If you have firm prices on everything, you will get a lot of walk-aways, but no sales. If you want to make a profit, buy bonds.

If you don't want the face time, try online - occasional bouts of selling are fine with the IRS as long as you don't do too much of it. (What their definition of "too much" is will, of course, depend on the phases of the moon or whoever is sitting at the desk your file crosses.)

Oh, and by the way, don't panic or second-guess yourself if your stuff sells right away to "pickers" (a half-hour before you're even due to start). I found a pair of sterling silver candlesticks, priced at $2 (on each bag), and when she gave me $3 back for my fiver, I asked her if that was right - the sticker didn't say "pair" - but she shot back with a frantic "yes - why, do you know something that I don't know?" I said that I just thought it was per stick, but I could tell she was going to think about it all day. (No, they weren't Revere or antique or intensely decorated or anything - a plain pair of Duchin, which really are that cheap. I have that meddling Mother Hen angel, remember?)

Ah, well. I don't despair. Some of you really do know how to do this. I didn't pick up much else besides the candlesticks (just a bag of vintage buttons and jewelry for $1) but the stuff I saw in those booths was priced as it should be. The rest ... well, this isn't flipping houses, guys, and I won't forget it when my sale happens. My Extravaganza is to clear the house and make enough money for a new driveway (if I can), but despite my $5 mil goal, what I don't sell by noon will probably go for free.

After all, I'm not rich ... but I have more crap than I'll ever need.

I can share.