Old Shoes, New Room

I shouldn't have said "yes" to those classes, the full-day Sunday package I agreed to - three of them, 9 to 12, 1 to 5, and 6:30 to 9:30; two different locations; lots of paperwork in between. I'm exhausted every Monday, and that's bad enough, but this week I also had a late-night Saturday phone call ...

It was going so well around here. Friday, I hit a thrift store I don't go to very often (because their jewelry prices are pretty ... well, "outrageous" comes to mind) and found fabulous but (surprise) pricey pieces. I hit several yard sales and one club sale on Saturday, however, and though mostly I spent my money on (really) great stuff for my grandkids, I found a couple pairs of silver earrings ($3), as well as a pendant (small) that appears to be 14K gold (smooshed marking) with three seed pearls (I think) and two tiny diamonds (those I'm sure of) for $1. Needs another pearl (or "pearl"?) but it's really cute (small) so I'm content. I then went straight from rummaging to a first-time tutorial, sped back to the office for two more (one no-show ... for the third time). I logged 68 miles, most of them for the commute out to that newbie. (I need to start reading maps before I say "yes" to the in-home kids, don't I?)

Late (for me) that night, I got a call from my boss, which sent me scrambling to my computer to print stuff out for one class (not enough books), rearrange my life for another class (that might not even happen), and shift several things around for yet another (but I'm not even sure which one because she's so stressed out I don't understand a single word she said or emailed - so I emailed her back at 10:30 that night to clarify her position and have yet to receive a response).

My life is up in the air. I can't schedule my two remaining tutorial students until I know what's going on. And I had to use unfamiliar materials (the printouts). I spent one really lousy night.

Of course, the day, Mother's Day, wasn't quite as bad as I'd anticipated, but it was bad enough. By the last class (the one lacking books) I was sucked dry, and I'm afraid I'm not the only one who knew it. The room, which has no a/c on weekends, made things worse - someone earlier hadn't closed the blinds, so the sun (the first full sun in a week) streamed in and practically blistered the finish on the boardroom table. We roasted. Even after shading us, even with a fan blowing fresh air into the room, even with plenty of ice water, it was a sweatbox. And in the back of my mind I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm still waiting.

I know, I know, I'm crazed from lack of sleep (and brain-bake). But I can't live like this. I need a plan. A direction. It's so bad that I can't even work up the energy for a good round of "I'll bet that's a zircon" or even "let's ferret out the hallmark on the gold." I even got an email from the mineral club - an invitation for late June (when I'm actually here), to a clay pit chock-full of citrine, aquamarine, garnet, and tourmaline - and I saved it as new! No response, just a shift to the sly! That's just wrong!

I keep thinking about that song, Anticipation. Not my favorite word - in fact, it sucks. I like knowing. Even when what I know is horrible at least then I can deal. (And stop italicizing everything.) My mind is waaaay too ... uh, way (calm) too good at creating alternate futures, and apparently (weird) I'm not too much of a drama queen today to stop it from taking over.

Huh. This is new territory for me. Not the shoe-drop thing - I'm really, really good at that trick - but the about-face. Well, the thought of an about-face. Well, the glimmer ...

Ah, hell, I'll take a walk, calm down, maybe shovel some compost until I need to shower for class (or not). Then, good or bad, I'll deal. I always do. I don't need the road rash, do I? Apparently I do need this page, though. So I'll be sure to tell you what happens. Next time, though - I have a new, intriguing little closet in my emotional apartment to explore. Apparently, it's full of single shoes.