On Being a Duck

Everyone knows about the big stuff that can hit you - major appliance breaking down and flooding the basement (that was last fall), parent with a terminal illness (that was this week), or even a loss of job or change of career path (that's still coming). My mother used to tell me that those were just the warm up, that life was full to the brim of little stresses and little stressors, and that they are the ones that will drive you crazy. She called it, "nibbled to death by ducks."

I really do get that. It never calms down, and it never stops hitting you. July is almost over, and I'm nowhere near where I want to be on the house-to-home, I'm nowhere near where I should be in the bank, and I'm not even where I must be with my job. It's just been one thing after another after another - the headaches I always have all summer have pulled me down, and the two trips (with another to come in August) have disrupted any routine I might have carved out of my busy work schedule. Even this morning, I'm racing here because I must leave in an hour so I can hit the post office and mail paperwork before driving 30 minutes to my 11 - 12:30 tutorial, after which I'll careen to the copy place to make materials for my 2:30 - 4:30 class, eating lunch in the car, probably. This morning already I've written my morning pages, done some dishes, pilled the cat, ordered my diamond tester, and taken a long walk (I've been neglecting that, and I'm feeling it). Yet to go - breakfast, a shower, and this quick post.

Somehow, I've let them get to me, all those little taps and bites from life. I've let them weigh me down, let them wear me out. But I know what I need to do, and by taking that walk this morning, and another yesterday, by remembering my priorities instead of letting the mosquitoes distract me, I'm going to beat this. I will finish things - slower, maybe, and only one chunk at a time, but I will finish.

And no matter what, I will not fall apart. I will not let them nibble me to death. All I have to do is stop being the victim ... and start being the duck.