Walking the Walk

I have only about an hour only to write today (to be posted at my usual time). I have lunch with a friend, one I swore I'd keep in touch with but haven't - until now - and I need to shower and hit the store before we meet. Then I have a tutorial in a rather remote location, and it will be more economical to stay west (where I'm having lunch) than it would be to come all the way home and then go all the way out there again. If I can, I'll go to a library to fidget with this post, but I can't count on it ... and, so, this is my life. Again.

In the nearly two weeks since the last round of classes ended (the SAT was 24 January) I have had exactly 4 hours of class time and 7 hours of tutorials (counting this afternoon's). 11 hours in two weeks. Drive time, yes, and admin stuff, but even that didn't total more than ... 6 hours, maybe. Not much, right? Got a lot done, yes? Uh ... not exactly.

On the day of the SATs I made myself a to-do list:

Take outdoor "before" pictures.
Take indoor "befores."
Transfer pictures from desktop to disk.
Screw down sliding drawer already in cabinet but not attached.
Get all sliding drawers installed.
Clean up under-oven stuff (move to new drawers).
Pull up one tile in the bathroom (see if it's subway or hexagonal beneath).
Design stand for sink in same bath.
Call at least two electricians to get bids for new panel.
Get cat's meds from vet.
Prune the raspberries (must be done in winter).
Vacuum.
Dust.
Pull up hall and master bedroom carpet.
Pull up existing stray staples (from last carpet pull up).
Renew roadside assistance.
Get oil changed.
Blood work and mammogram.
Revamp contest entry links.
Order spring bulbs.
Set up eBay site for selling.
Solder broken drawer pull on Federal chest.
Contact furniture rep first - chest in mag had those drawer pulls.
Reserve book at library.
Go through stack of magazines and pull pics.
Label tax files.
Contact historical society about 1933 class photo I found curbside.
Follow up with person they said to contact.
Price David Morgan whips (new adventure - no, not that kind!).
Clear all surfaces to experiment with negative space.
Find local Univ. with architecture students for free advice.
Change credit watch to different auto pay.
Find a new book project, then start it.

14 days. 336 hours. Even if I slept 8 hours a day out of that (which I didn't), that still leaves 224 hours to play with. Only 17 taken up with paying work - and probably 40 more for both my morning pages and these posts. Another (maybe) 28 for cooking, balancing checkbooks, all that household stuff. That still leaves 139 hours in which to clear my list. 139 hours to work on the house, to open new doors to adventure and income streams, even just to dream, for heaven's sake. Did I do it?

Of course not. I ate. I watched TV. Okay, I did about half those things (no new book any time soon), but mostly I fell into depression because this should be one of the busiest times of my year. But there was no busyness in my business, and that sent me into a tailspin.

I don't know why I was so surprised. Every year I approach at least one block of classes with fewer students than I should have. And every year something comes through when I stop worrying about it. I know this; I guess I thought I'd learned to trust it, but I didn't. I wish I could say the economy added that soupcon of understandable amnesia about outcome, added to the fear that kept me up most nights. I wish I could label it conscientiousness, or habit, or even insanity. Truth is, I do great when it's hard - I drive on (no sweat) during the hurricanes and road rashes that has been most of my life. But I suck at walking the walk when the road goes all ... silent. Wide open. Clear-path.

I'm learning, yes, and I'm better - just a year ago, I wouldn't have gotten a single to-do done - but I'm a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kind of gal, aren't I? Big strides in the finances, baby steps in the self-discipline and trust. I should make a sign and put it on my bathroom mirror: "Every black hole in a schedule is an opportunity to move forward elsewhere." Kind of Walt Disney, sort of dull, but very true. And if I can't - or won't - learn this one very simple thing, I might never get off this treadmill.

Ah well, my schedule ramps up again this weekend - not quite where it was last year, but crazy enough, and I always get more accomplished when I have more to push through. That means I will probably clear my to-do in a matter of days.

And next time things cool down on my calendar?

I'll keep on walking. Even an old Bunny can learn new tricks ... with the right carrot.